Taking baby steps

It’s been a few months since my last post (I’m not proving to be particularly consistent at posting am I). I think when I wrote it, because it was such a ‘bare your soul’ post, I found myself overwhelmed especially by the response and didn’t really know what to do or say next. I guess with such an emotive subject, and the fact that the rollercoaster continues, I have honestly just found myself retreating and letting my mind tick over while I ponder ‘what next’

It’s enough to just pick yourself up after a big life changing event and in the sudden aftermath it really is just about surviving but as the dust begins to settle, the ‘well what do I do now’ questions beginning to pervade every waking moment – then from stasis comes movement though it’s tinged with a sense of uncertainty and in trepidation along with the constant pondering on ‘what on earth am I going to do with my life’.

As it turns out, much of this new ‘life’ just kind of happens but obviously things are different, you’re different whether you like it or not so, for me, that meant spending a lot of time getting to know me again and with that inevitably comes change both big and small.

One of the biggest lessons I have learnt, which shouldn’t be such a surprise because we hear it all the time yet perhaps never fully take in (well I didn’t anyway), is that you just don’t know what life will throw at you. And, what goes hand in hand with that is that life really can take a different turn to that which you’d planned. I certainly never thought I would find myself where I have so as a result I have really been embracing a ‘what the heck’ attitude, I have learnt to loosen up and go with the flow, consider different avenues and am more open to things that I perhaps wouldn’t have been before. Yet I also realise that these are all traits I once possesed but lost somewhere along the way so I kind of feel much more like an ‘old me’ from many years ago.

And so, I find myself at the beginning of the next chapter now. It’s no less crazy than the ending of the last one. I have a complex shituation (shit + situation = shituation, its my new favourite noun, with an adjectivey twist – use it, it feels great) that is likely to rumble on for a while – the D bomb, deciding what happens to assets, fighting over knives and forks – that kind of thing. The taking apart a life and home I so carefully put together – crafted to last. Yet at the same time, I find myself peering over those first few pages with a sense of nervous excitement, a new life blossoming and brimming with an ‘anything is possible’ vibe that’s nudging me to take baby steps to do something different.

I think that this blog, for the time being at least, is likely to reflect exactly the above – the tying up of loose ends, moving from the old to the new. I want to share my experiences, it’s part of who I am and to ignore it would be to ignore a fundamental part of me yet at the same time I want also want to focus on what I’m doing now and all the things that interest me and I think that’s ok, there’s no formula no plan other than to write from the heart, as I see and feel it. I hope that my posts whether it’s the complexities (and craziness) of separation and divorce and all that goes with it or painting furniture or something ‘fluffy’ provides interest and resonates with someone. I think I said it in my bio or intro, that this blog was always likely to have a bit of ‘kitchen drawer’ about it and so there you have it. Now back to ‘what next’ 🙂

Katy x

 

Sweater and pin from the wonderful www.muthahoodgoods.com

Jacket from www.allsaints.com

8 Comments

  1. Lisa 29th October 2017 / 6:03 pm

    It is so hard to pick up the pieces and start again; you will create your own path and find more strength than you ever knew you had. All the best for this new chapter of your life – you’ve got this. Lisa xx

    • katyebh 30th October 2017 / 11:01 pm

      Ah thank you – it’s crazy how little positive messages like this really do go some way to giving you strength and courage so they are much appreciated 🙂

  2. Leighanne 29th October 2017 / 9:11 pm

    Such a lovely, honest, heartfelt piece of writing. I have so many friends who have found themselves in this situation. It’s not an easy journey but they have went on to a better life x sending you lots of love x

    • katyebh 30th October 2017 / 11:00 pm

      Thank you 🙂

      I’m the only one in my group who has been through something like this which I know I have struggled with. Here’s to a better future 🙂 xxx

  3. Sheila 1st November 2017 / 10:39 am

    I love your blog and wish we were just up the street like in the ‘olden’ days to give you a hug

    • katyebh 17th January 2018 / 3:07 pm

      Ah thank you Sheila, I know it feels like a long time ago since those ‘safe’ and happy days of being a kid :). Sometimes being a grown-up sucks!!!

      xxx

  4. Jodi 3rd February 2018 / 4:55 pm

    I’m going through something very similar myself, 5 months now since my husband (who I believed was completely in love with me, soulmate dare I say) left me out of the blue and I’m struggling, really struggling, feel like I’m drowning in a sea of sadness, or just treading water really.
    I can fully imagine the depths of your hurt and reading your blogs are inspiring, I have no idea how I’m ever going to be ‘ok’ again, but you found some strength to get through, guess I’ve somehow got to try to do the same. Your home is absolutely beautiful and look forward to following your journey as you move forward, hopefully taking even an ounce of your positivity with me too x

    • katyebh 8th February 2018 / 12:38 pm

      Oh Jodi, Im so sorry to hear you’re going through this. I’ve really come to understand that there is no quick fix, no magic words but time really is the best healer. There is nothing more to do than ride it out and slowly but surely you just start to get better. You will, I can promise you that much. I learnt that there is no quick fix, no magic words just patience and being kind to yourself. Distracting yourself with something you love (or used to love) for me was so important – when I started I had very little energy, my heart was only just in it but little by little that got better, and I started to rely on that focus (interiors, my Instagram etc). Try not to work out how you will ‘be ok again’ I exhausted myself worrying about this just trust that somehow you will and life has a funny way of working.That was very hard for me to do but I did my level best to remain positive and keep ‘trusting the process’ and I am getting there.

      I’m now in another very difficult phase and to be honest it still overwhelms and somedays beats me but you just keep going.

      I know exactly how you must be feeling and again Im so sorry that you have to feel this – I’m here if you ever want to chat you can pm on katy@theartofwellbeing.co.uk massive hugs xxx

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